The following story, published in one of Raghunatha's early gurukula newsletters, brought the problem of arranged marriages out in the open. In this excerpt, the author describes her entrance into adolescence and how ISKCON interfered through its policy of arranged marriages. Gurukula by kdd I guess I was about eleven and just as any teenager does, I began to rebel. It was as if everything I once loved and worked for never even existed, and the only thing that I concerned myself with was boys and rock-n-roll music. Well, neither of these two things went well with devotee life and I was soon known as a rascal and a bad influence on my friends. As time went on, I became careless about my "little maya" and soon I got carried away with it. I didn't care what punishment I would get, I took the risk of being caught. I'd walk down the road listening to karmi music on my Walkman, chewing gum, and reading karmi books at night (like Anne of Green Gables) and walking around the farm knowing that my head was uncovered. This frivolousness disturbed the authorities and in order to solve the situation, they decided to get me married. Actually at the time, it didn't really bother me, after all, marriage meant a chance to get some good attention for a while and even some respect. But I had no idea what else was coming along with the attention. It was 9:30 in the morning and [ashrama teacher] M. Kutila and I were waiting (for the bus) with ten young sankirtan kids we were watching for the weekend [their mothers were sankirtan devotees, out collecting money] and the entire ashram laundry. I remember it clear as day, when she turned to me and said, "K., there is this really nice guy named Nrsimha Guru that wants to talk to you this morning. You're going to meet with him in the library at 10:30." I guess I was excited, but above all, I was nervous! Only two months ago one of our other girls, B., had gotten married, and she wasn't have a good time at all. So that morning I met him. It was awkward to say the least, sitting alone with this guy I had never seen before and who, in a way, was proving to be a threat. A threat because of his age, he was twenty-six years old. At that time, any adult was a threat to me. As far as I could see, they never understood me. How could they? They didn't know what it was like growing up as a devotee. All they knew was this style of living made them happy and they assumed therefore that it would definitely make their children happy. But I felt they were wrong. For one, I could never get over the thought that these adults were once young teenagers, going to high school, dating whomever they pleased, and sometimes even drank and did drugs. Then they got fried, fried of all that stuff they had already experienced. So they came to the movement and along with them, and without any say in the matter, also came their children. Yet I wasn't asking anyone to make me into a karmi, to give me drugs and late nights with the boys. I was only asking for a little freedom--a little trust. Soon, I realized my freedom would never come, and so I started to sneak around; doing things that got me into trouble. I began leaving japa [meditation] to go upstairs and meet with the boys in order to talk to them. I became friends with the outside devotees, going to their houses to watch TV. Now I felt satisfied. I felt I was getting even with all "their" rules. Meanwhile, during all my adventures and fun I was still married. For a while I only saw him on weekends, I cleaned up his room, made his bed, washed his clothes, and made dinner on Saturday nights. I didn't mind this really, because it was simple and it didn't interfere with the kind of "wild" life I was living. But soon after a year had gone by, and M. Kutila couldn't hide my nonsense from [guru] Bhaktipada anymore, it was decided I would move to Pittsburgh with the "bla bla." At that time, there were several of us girls that were married and the thing to do was figure out disgusting code names to call your husband. Therefore, in case you didn't see him coming towards you, one of your friends could warn you by quietly screaming "bla bla," which immediately signaled a sign to run and hide, hoping he wouldn't find you and soon give up. Our favorite place to hide was the women's bathhouse and I was sometimes in there for hours. But soon my "bla bla" figured it out and it just led me into more trouble. That Christmas of '82 I moved in with him and celebrated my twelfth birthday there, without any friends or "true" companionship. There were a few rules that came with moving in with Nrsimha and one of them was I could no longer associate with any of my girlfriends at New Vrindaban. So, eventually I became lonely and my interests were soon drawn towards more TV, going to the movies and other inactive pastimes. I stayed home alone usually, not knowing how to keep myself busy, while Nrsimha went out to his business appointments to sell his silk paintings. After a while I became a total TV head and so when I saw my girlfriends that was all I talked about. And that kind of talking only got me into more trouble and a terrible reputation. Finally (I don't remember how long it took) I began to drive Nrsimha Guru crazy. I could only think of the boys and my friends laughing at me when I was with him, and I got the idea that this marriage thing wasn't "cool." So I became determined to bring it to an end. But when Bhaktipada heard what I had in mind, he only replied "Your marriage will not come to an end, that you can be sure of; I will prove to the rest of ISKCON that this Vedic system does work." Gent cheap hotelsAfter hearing that, the only thoughts that entered my mind for months, were those pertaining to a way out. I was ready to do whatever I could to prove Bhaktipada wrong. I thought: This is supposed to be my Guru, whom I am to pay all respects and obeisances to, yet when I request something of him and when he sees me suffering he does nothing to stop it, rather he tells me I will only go through more pain "for ISKCON's sake." Eventually I moved back to New Vrindaban and lived with a lady by the name of Yogamaya. She was wonderful to me and it was set up in order to see that I was trained to get along with Nrsimha G. I didn't mind living with this arrangement, especially because it got me away from Nrsimha, but the thought of not being able to be with my friends, go swimming with them, go on the field trips and to the zoo with them bothered me immensely. I started to believe I was a bad person. Eventually, I grew lonely and sad. I can't remember what exactly happened after that, but soon me and my friends were back with M. Kutila in our home. Now, I was truly home and only now did I feel sheltered, loved and protected once again. Nrsimha and I still had our tiffs now and then, especially when he came up with this new idea. Every time I saw him I was to go over to him and offer my obeisances right at his feet (even if he was surrounded by and talking with other devotees). The embarrassment and hate that I felt inside can never be described in my vocabulary (of today). I grew to despise him and I was shocked to find myself going in front of the deities daily after the Govindam prayers and praying that he would get into an accident and die. Before this, I never thought I was cruel enough to wish death upon someone, but at this point there was no doubt in my mind. I knew exactly what I wanted; I knew what I was praying for. Other Accounts hotel sheraton SovataMost of the girls I grew up with ended up getting married off to "twisted old men." She was fourteen and married to some thirty year old jerk in Vrindavan. She expressed to me that she was very upset to be in that position. When I was twelve, I was betrothed. He was our teacher. This was forced upon me. What was? A whole new aspect of life that I was not ready for. I did not even have breasts yet, I was a little kid who was just starting to get used to having parents and perhaps even the security (stability) that could go with that. And now I was supposed to look at the teacher as a potential sex-partner. What was sex? A dirty, gross act. It was thrust upon me. I had no sexual feeling or curiosity. I was too busy trying to fight for survival and hold onto an identity to even begin to start wondering about that aspect of life. Its an intrusion, and its not based on what the individual needs. Its based on assumption. It's guilt and the belief that sex is wrong and sinful, a distraction from god and worship thereof, and also that women should be subservient to men. Because for some reason god created them as less and they have to go through someone else, their pati [husband]-guru to experience god's love. God won't deal with them directly because they're so stupid and dirty and they're cursed, etc. We were called prostitutes all the time, we were kids. |